i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
