well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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