haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
