i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's just like the Real World with babies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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