"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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