Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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