I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
