WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
