Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
