this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
