dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
