I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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