i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
