I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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