If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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