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im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
