New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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