For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
