I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
