my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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