i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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