Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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