You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
