You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
