Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
