Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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