We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
