My room smells like vodka and shame
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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