you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
