I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it because I queefed?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
