you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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