It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
worst night to have a conscience
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
