i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
