How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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