yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
