Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
