Plan B is the new Plan A
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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