Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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