How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
3pm strippers are depressing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
