please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
