Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
