why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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