have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
