Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
don't judge my taste in strippers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
