I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
