Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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