Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
