i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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