I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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