I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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