she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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