Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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