Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
