Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
