Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
