Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
