my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
