I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
