She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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