Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
