Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize