you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im just a social blackout drinker.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
