I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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