I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
