Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
